Your experience resonates, and it's unfortunate how internal competition can arise even within small communities of POC. It's a reflection of the systemic challenges we face, where individuals may feel compelled to compete for limited opportunities. The mentality is like, "If this racist system is going to give a meager job to only one BIPOC, then it must be me!" Your commitment to maintaining your values and inner peace despite external pressures is commendable. I have had to find ways to do the same. It's crucial for us to recognize the importance of unity and find ways to stay mentally balanced and realize what is important to you.