“I Am Not That Kind of White Person. I Am A Good One. So, Can I Touch Your Hair?”
The Trauma of Microaggressions: How White Supremacy Manifests in Everyday Life
My 25-year-old friend sat across the table from me over some Mexican food and quoted this crazy statement from her white boss. When my friend refused, her work was suddenly not good enough. They wanted to get a replacement because “we don’t think you are going to cut it.” My friend asked, “Why are you saying this now? You were always satisfied with my output for the last several months and even commended me several times. What do you think happened since then?”
They never answered but continued to belittle her efforts and make her life miserable until the contract ended. She second-guessed her work and checked everything because she knew they were ‘witch-hunting’ for reasons to criticize, diminish and maybe terminate her. My friend could not rest because they would call or text her at weird hours during the day and night to set up a scenario where she may not see a message and cannot respond to the work in time, thus a cause to sack her. Was this all because her boss wanted to touch her hair? Yes, it was!
Hair Touching and Objectification
The act of touching or wanting to touch non-white people’s hair is a common microaggression that can be profoundly traumatizing. For many white people, this might seem like a harmless curiosity or a compliment. In 2018, a video of a white woman at a music festival went viral when she was caught touching a black woman’s hair without her consent. The black woman was visibly upset, and the incident sparked a conversation about the ways in which black women’s bodies are often objectified.
Like with my friend, this is not an isolated incident. The hair microaggression can be seen in other instances. In 2019, a high school student in Texas was forced to cut off his dreadlocks in order to compete in a wrestling match. The incident was widely criticized as an act of racism and a violation of the student’s rights. The message was clear: black hair is unacceptable in spaces where people believe in whiteness.
The Power Dynamics of Microaggressions
Microaggressions take many forms, and they are rooted in the power dynamics of whiteness supremacy. In 2018, a white woman, aka “Karen,” in New York City called the police on a young black boy who was selling water on the sidewalk. The incident was widely criticized as an act of racism and a misuse of police power and resources. I wrote about this in my memoir noting many examples of microaggressions in the workplace and how it impacts performance. The message was clear: black bodies are not welcome in spaces where people believe in whiteness.
Similarly, in 2020, a white woman in Central Park called the police on a black man who asked her to leash her dog. I mentioned this incident in my book on Economic Racism as an example of how white women, jealous of white men’s abusive power, exercise whatever power they have to murder, by proxy, a brown person. What later became a world-trending event on “Karenism” was caught on camera and sparked a nationwide conversation about the ways in which white people use the police as a tool of oppression against people of color. White-believing people seeing this video griped about how she was hanging the dog by the collar, not her attempt at proxy murder (see video below).
The Trauma and Consequences of Microaggressions
The trauma caused by microaggressions is real and can have severe consequences for people of color. In some cases, it can lead to physical harm and often death, such as when police are called on innocent brown people. In other cases, it can lead to emotional harm, such as when brown people are constantly reminded of their otherness and their lack of power in society. “Can I touch your hair?” I have pointed out solutions for these in my book, but it will take government action and everyone to think bigger in becoming anti-racist.
Race is a social construct that has economic consequences. When a “Karen” performs a proxy kill using police or a white-believing mob, the perpetrator and their entire family must pay for damages to the family that lost an economic provider. It sounds far-fetched, but I outlined how to do this in my book. It is essential for white-believing people to recognize the impact that their actions and words can have on people of color. Microaggressions may seem small, but they manifest a larger system of oppression with real and lasting consequences. By acknowledging this reality and working to dismantle the systems of whiteness supremacy that enable it, we can create a more just and equitable society for all.
